Oh Boy

My emails are slowly morphing into long-form oversharing essays about my life, so I hope there's a market interest in that or we're going to have a supply/demand crisis. Maybe at some point I'll have enough character development that I can write about all the crazy stuff that's happened like the robbery we stopped, our evil vampire neighbor, or the pirate we fought in the town square.

Before the Fall

I was really tempting fate by using a Loki quote last week, wasn't I? I mean, Loki:

1. is very handsome

2. is arrogant

3. makes out with a time traveling woman version of himself

4. dies (infinity war spoilers)

Fortunately, I only qualify for the first 3 criteria for the time being. But today we're going to focus on Loki recipe ingredient number 2: pride.

So my plan last week for the whole fubeca went very well, except for the fact that I did something very dumb and prideful which completely ruined the plan: I will kindly refer to this action of mine as a 'verbal detonation'. Luckily, my companion took very well to my nuclear assault and after a great, inspired personal study of Preach My Gospel Ch.6, he came to me with a kind reconciliation in our weekly planning, and the bonds of brotherly kinship were once again forged anew. So now, everything is resolved, I've been visited by the ghosts of missionary past, present, and future, the audience stood up and clapped and I can confess that I was completely wrong and change my ways, right? Yes. Yelling at people and angrily telling them they have the spirit of the devil is wrong (yeah, yikes, I know). But also... literally the very next day, we ended up watching YouTube in a member's house and fubeca'd at the church for like an hour. So there's something missing here, and in order to understand what it is, it's absolutely necessary to talk about Star Wars for a second guys I promise it's literally necessary there is no other way to-

Balance in the Force

(Editor's Note: Did he just interrupt himself in a written email? How? Why?)

One of the cooler themes in Star Wars that was messily introduced in the prequels and then masterfully elaborated on by Dave Filoni in the Clone Wars TV series- and yes, I'm aware that I just topped out the nerdometer for most of you, but stay with me here- is that the Jedi are actually kind of wrong. Like, the light side is great, but the Jedi create all these insane rules like that you can't feel attachment or emotion, which is actually self-defeating: if human connections aren't important, dare I say necessary to have, why are they worth protecting? And they eventually become so lost in these rules and in politics that they become susceptible to destruction from within. On the other side of the spectrum is the Sith, who represent the dark side of the force, which is an excess of emotion: the opposite of the Jedi. Anakin Skywalker is the exemplar of the Sith; he gets ticked off so he murders a bunch of women and children, which is debatably not the right thing to do. The dark side is also self defeating: Anakin injures and eventually loses his wife precisely because... he's afraid of losing his wife. This is the irony of when any character in Star Wars is fighting for 'balance' in the force; usually, they actually mean they're fighting for an overbalance of the light side of the force, which eventually leads to a corrupt order which is taken down from within by an angsty dark sider, who is eventually redeemed, which leads to another corrupt order, and so forth into disney money-making infinity. Also, there's usually cousins and/or siblings kissing somewhere in there, but that's just an interesting observation and a conversation for another day. The point is, excessive use of any principle is eventually self destructive to that very principle.

Enter: Ahsoka Tano.

If you don't know who Ahsoka is, then go repent by watching the Clone Wars. Unless you're a missionary, then don't do that. Stop being enthralled by my email and get to work, you fubeca. But for all of you civies, Ahsoka becomes what is epitaphed by common nerdom a 'Grey Jedi', who leaves the Jedi order and continues to fight for good without heeding the extremist principles of either the Sith or the Jedi. Ahsoka actually fights for balance: using her attachments and emotions to fight for what is right instead of just, like, killing people.

So what does this have to do with anything?

Actually, Christ was a Grey Jedi

A couple weeks ago I wrote a sentence with respect to boldness that was something like "being confrontational is the opposite of the Gospel I'm here to preach" and afterwards my sister reproved me and was like "Lawson you're wrong" and then she explained some stuff to me and sent me this baller quote from Elder Maxwell: "How dare some treat Christ's ministry as if it were all beatitudes and no declaratives!"

OOF. Read the ministry in 3 Nephi; it talks about conflict, not confrontation. They're very different. Yes, Christ healed the sick and did many awesome feel-good things, but he also spent a significant portion of his ministry confronting people who were doing things wrong (see: the Pharisees). Like, He saved the woman caught in adultery from being stoned to death by Pharisees, because that's crazy, but He also let her go with a very important mandate: "Go and sin no more." He did not condemn her, but he also did not condone her actions. This clues us into the fact that the Gospel He taught is one of balance. This is actually fairly easy to recognize if we apply it to people's lives. For example: do you have an excess of negative emotion, self criticism and doubt? Well, here's some important truths about your eternal identity, a constant comforter and companion, and direct access to the power of the Master Healer through Covenants. Do you have an excess of pride and sinfulness? Here's a little bit of fiery condemnation to show you natural consequence and direct access to the power of the Ultimate Redeemer through repentance. Even good and necessary things, without balance, become weaknesses: an excess of necessary food becomes unhealthy, an excess of tolerance becomes assimilation, an excess of faith becomes blind zealotry, and an unbalanced confrontation becomes conflict. Here's the key point: the Gospel provides a balancing force which provides to everyone's individual needs all at once so that everybody can continue to advance without being overcome by excess.

To demonstrate this mysterious force, here's the scripture my mission president shared with me this week to help with my confrontation problem (D&C 121:41-44, emphasis added):

"No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile- Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death."

True Christlike love for others naturally leads to a desire to help them reach their potential. In fact, it is a scriptural mandate to reprove others. But it absolutely must be done in love and when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, not when moved upon by anger, so that they do not think you are their enemy. The ultimate example of this actually highly practical and specific scriptural instruction: in a shocking surprise, it's Christ himself. After giving humanity a set of legitimately challenging, difficult commandments and reprovals (see: the Sermon on the Mount), He also gave us the ultimate demonstration of love ever (see: Gethsemane), simultaneously giving us access to the grace needed to overcome sin and fulfill those commandments.

Christ did not refrain from challenging, correcting, and calling people to be better because he loved them; in fact, he did those things precisely because he loved them. In summary: the "Balance in the Force" which keeps necessary confrontations from becoming conflict: Charity. 

Frankly, Charity is overpowered.

Post-fallout

As for me? Well, now that I've sufficiently covered my confession of pride with a  character essay about how I was secretly right all along, I can say that this week has been getting better. I'm not very hasty to attribute any of this growth to me because mostly my comp is just being nice and asking me what I think about stuff a lot haha. I think my loving/charity department needs a parasite ring, a dose of the Heaven-Earth Purification Wheel, and a solid six months in Ghostwater. (Yay! A Cradle reference!) What a great opportunity I have to practice now.

I commit to writing about actually cool stuff next week. Maybe I'll tell you guys the story of the drunk seductress witch we evaded through divine intervention, the army of spiders I fended off using a broomspear, or when our 9 year old convert robbed me at gunpoint.

You think I'm joking.

God is Good,

Elder Ebbert

click if you want to see a bunch of pictures of me in a suit