"Burdened With Glorious Purpose"
A little Loki for ya
So this week's email is probably gonna be talking mostly about The Work. I apologize because that's probably not going to be as funny or interesting as all of my bizarre adventures in Brazil, but as my mom so keenly put it to me last week: "Lawson, writing is your coping/therapeutic/digestive mechanism!"
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a bunch of great psychology about writing/journaling out there by the way! Just thought I'd let you know.
The Italian Incident, aka Elder Ebbert relearns
My missionary brother Elder Robinson has been talking with me a lot about a resource he received in the CTM called "The Ricciardi Letter". Therein is detailed the experience of an Elder serving in Britain many years ago whose trainer was one Elder Ricciardi, an extremely unique Italian. It includes some important lessons such as the following:
-Be Bold (aka "I fear no man")
-Be Joyful (aka "the work is fulfilling, actually")
-Desire More (aka "what is bold today is conviction tomorrow")
Hmmm. What strange and unfamiliar ideas which I have never written about in an email before. The unfortunate thing about lessons is that they often have to be taught repeatedly, and after being taught they have to be internalized through practice. Fun fact: that's why we have commandments from God by the way! But that's a spiritual thought for another day; what's important is that this week I once again had my standards and vision elevated to what could actually be accomplished as a missionary, or even in life; we are basically unlimited in capability.
But the problem with elevated vision? You get to see everything that's going wrong.
The Burden of Glorious Purpose, aka Elder Ebbert rants
Hehe. What a clever little connection to the title I made there.
So here's a couple phrases I wrote in my journal this week to describe moments where I was actually working:
-"A mantle of flame roiling in my chest, the spirit in my mouth, speaking every word."
-"the words were dictated to me, and my spirit buzzed like lightning"
-"overwhelming peace and joy"
My journal is a little pretentious if you can't tell. But overall, pretty sick, right?
Now, in Portuguese, there's this word Fubeca, which doesn't have an exact translation but basically means somebody who doesn't follow the rules. Especially in the Mission context, it's used to describe... that kind of missionary. The kind who is having a 'two year pretty cool experience' instead of a mission. I really, really wanted to avoid complaining about my companion in an email but holy crumpets I cannot take it anymore he is a FUBECA and when I plan stuff it gets REPLANNED and we very frequently just DON'T. DO. ANYTHING. We are SO not living up to our potential or our calling and it's really really difficult for me to actually do anything about it because I already spent 6 weeks not knowing what the heck we were doing or anything that anybody was saying so I just went along with stuff but now I have vision. Now I know what we can actually achieve. Now, I am burdened by our glorious purpose.
So here are a couple phrases I would use to describe days where we eat lunch for 4 hours or lounge around definitely not watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes which is playing on the TV in a member's house:
-miserable
-soul sucking
-terribly horrible and awful
So here's the thing. Eating lunch with people? Fun! Hanging out, playing games, watching stuff together? Nice. Very cool. Excited to do it when I get back, key phrase being not now! Those are not inherently bad, terrible things to do, but not only is that not why I'm here, it's against the rules! So it sucks and it's not fun! It drives away the spirit and knowing that we're wasting my time and potential DRIVES ME NUTS!! I don't really have anything else cohesive to say about this because I'm just descending into madness over here because it ticks me off.
Advancing, aka keep moving forward
Little lesson from Chapter Eight of Preach My Gospel: First, set a goal that is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. Then, make a plan to achieve that goal which follows the same criteria. Do all of this prayerfully and consult the Lord, confirming that it is possible, and then do all you can to achieve your goals and plans having faith that they will be achieved.
So... that's what I did. I know I just went crazy and ranted for like five paragraphs but I promise I'm fine because I have a plan. I have a goal. And I know they will be achieved, because I got the green light from God to do them. Caramba I am done being pushed around and I am done accepting less than what we are capable of.
Closing Thoughts
Well that was a lot more angry than I originally anticipated haha. I hope I don't come across as being miserable all the time because I promise I'm having a ton of fantastic experiences as well! But yeah. We're chilling. Thanks for all of your love, support, and prayers! I appreciate all of you guys so much and I hope you all have a fantastic week!
God is Good,
Elder Ebbert
P.S: the sacrament is dope
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