Going Rogue On The Week Of The Dead

Whattup ladinos, 

A couple weeks ago someone responded to my email asking about the plural marriage lesson that I taught, and asked if there was anything for missionaries about teaching plural marriage or if I "went rogue". And I have two thoughts related to that: no there's nothing for missionaries about polygamy lol you just have to read Saints and second thought:

the phrase going rogue is sick.

super p day

P day last week was super dope you guys. We had an awesome district activity so everybody came including the LZs. Early in the morning when everybody got here this huge truck also arrived and was like "yo did you order like 50 things of paint to repaint the chapel" and I was like "what" and then they made me sign this order form thing and we had the whole district unload a bunch of paint. Afterwards we played soccer but everybody had to steal my socks because they didn't have any :/ Soccer was actually pretty fun I was the goalie and I think I did not prevent a single goal from happening through my efforts. Afterwards everybody went to the mall and ate fast food and Elder Medeiros scammed me into buying him a chicken burger. This man is a literal rogue he bought a ukulele for 30 reais from someone in Embu and he resold it to another missionary in my district for 200. But anyways it was fun to see him one last time since he's dying in a couple days :( We took some death photos of elder medeiros as a send-off and also we played ninja, it was super dope because in the end it just came down to me and Elder Medeiros so we just jumped around screaming and trying to kill each other until he got me and then we reenacted that scene from Empire Strikes Back where Luke gets his hand cut off and darth vader says the line that everybody knows and Luke falls down that huge hole. That was super fun.

Also we played D&D again and I died.

At night we had a crazy lesson with this guy who is super spiritual but has been inactive for like 15 years and we were having a discussion about the gospel or whatever and at some point I was like "you know what? Imma go rogue" and so I just started slamming this guy with question after question trying to bring the spirit out and figure out what to do with this guy to help him. And it got to a point where I had no idea what to ask and then the spirit was like "I got you fam" and I just KEPT GOING I swear I literally interrogated this guy until he felt the spirit himself and we got a return visit marked to meet his daughters who aren't baptized and also hopefully reactivate him cuz he's actually a super spiritual dude?? He's just missing the power of the priesthood and covenants in his life. Which is like, a lot of stuff to be missing out on.

funerals and demon hunting

On tuesday there was a funeral at the chapel where we live for a member of the ward who died. We left a bunch of Plan of Salvation pamphlets with our number on the back in case anybody was interested. And the whole thing got me thinking about the gospel; like, how does anybody live without the Plan of Salvation and not succumb to existential nihilism? Idk man but I'm grateful for everything we know already about the gospel it sure is a blessing.

On tuesday I also had an absolutely cracked personal study go listen to Meeting Jesus in the House of the Lord its incredible. I'm so sad that its so difficult to do the Endowment as a missionary cuz we can't go to the temple very much. But I really want to dive into the ordinances of the temple and study them more. Also studied the war chapters which was dope, we stan Captain Moroni here.

We spent basically the whole day organizing baptisms for the end of the week but we did get to teach one guy whose wife is super sick- like, can't even get out of bed most of the time sick. Last time we visited this guy we gave her a blessing and apparently she got up and ate some stuff after we left so we were gonna give her a blessing again this time and then the guy was like "you know I'm actually pretty sure she's sick because somebody did a voodoo/macumba ritual to curse her" and I was like "wow freal?" and he was like "yeah 2 years ago she was super drunk and also involved in witchcraft and she has been like this since" and I was like "hmm time to go Elder Medeiros mode" and so we went to investigate. So this guy goes in and asks her if she wants another blessing... and she starts to literally writhe in the bed and kick him. So he backs away... and then she started hitting herself. So we were like "thats pretty weird" and I broke out my little gospel images book and flipped to a picture of Christ. I showed it to her and asked if she knew who it was (little Elder Medeiros trick for ya) and when I showed her the photo she literally froze and was completely fixed on the photo. Like, I could move to anywhere in the room and she would just follow the photo with her eyes until the moment that I flipped to a different page or put it away. So I was like "alrighty that's pretty sus" and seeing as we couldn't really give her a blessing due to the whole kicking and hitting thing and there's nothing in the General Handbook for this kind of situation I just went rogue and did like a house dedication/long range blessing/expulsion/prayer. Afterwards she stopped kicking and hitting herself and just kept feeling her face in the places where she had hit herself.

So that was cool and not unsettling at all!

What a long lesson

Wednesday we had a crazy long lesson with Rogerio and his wife where we learned literally like their whole life story and problems while desperately trying to get a word in and then in the end Rogerio was like "well ok I'll get baptized I guess" and then we marked his baptismal date and interview. Also, at night we visited Maria again and she made us dinner and we had this doce de leite ice cream that was just. We also talked with her nephew Ivan who works for an airline company and he was like "yeah if you wanna fly anywhere in the world for free just hit me up after the mission". Actually he offered to fly us anywhere in the world for free during the mission but I was like "actually I think I'm not allowed to do that". Also Maria is not married. Which is like chilling but also she's HILARIOUS because she really wants to be sealed in the temple and she was like "I know that if I don't get married in this life for no fault of my own I'll still be able to receive all those blessing after that life, but the scripture says we are saved 'after all we can do'. So I'mma do ALL I CAN DO." and so his sixty year old woman is out here using every method available to score an eternal husband. She was making a mutual profile when we left her house and she also interrogated me about the farmers in Wisconsin and all of my uncles.

back to Embu

Thursday we had interviews with president back in embu. I literally can't escape it seems like I got back to embu every other week for something or other. In our interview president shared the quote from President Nelson from this past conference where he said that "Mortality is a master class in learning to choose the things of greatest eternal import". And President went "Elder Ebbert, we both have a lot of things left to learn from life and to learn from the Master Teacher. But I want you to know that right now, based on where you are and what you are doing, you're getting straight A's." And I was like "thanks pres"

I also got to meet the other American Elder in our district his name is Elder Hughes and he's really funny. We were talking about learning portuguese and the pizza here and whatnot. He was also talking about his girlfriend at home and he was like "yeah dude sometimes I miss her a lot" and I was like "wow must be nice kkk" so that was funny.

morning death

Friday I woke up completely dead I could barely move. Probably because I ate like a whole bag of candy the night before. But anyways we got to language study and Elder Hughes called me to ask a bunch of portuguese questions which was fun. We had a lesson with Vanessa because she STILL HASN'T BEEN CONFIRMED and I was like "look Vanessa I know you are swamped with work but go and read 3 Nephi 3:25-34 and then tell me what you think you should do" and she was like "ehhhhh idk I really do wanna receive the holy ghost but I'm not sure its possible right now" and so I checked with the Holy Ghost for a second and then when I figured out everything was chill I went rogue and "promised mad blessings" in the words of my sister. And then Vanessa was like "ok I guess I'll go to church then".

On the way back to our house a guy stopped us on the road and was like "hey are you the Elders from the church over there?" and we said "yeah" and he said "Ok great. My wife and sons are members of your church but we're having problems in our marriage and so I'm gonna start going to your church to show her I want to be better" and we were like "awesome its at 9 o'clock" and he was like "ok see you there" and dipped. Just like... a random guy in the road at the right time and place. Pretty sweet.

We had another baptismal interview friday and our LD comes out of the room and is like "Elders... before I tell you if he passed or not, I need to know one thing." And we were all stressed and whatnot so we were like "ok what?" and he goes "Elders... are you going to buy us pizza tonight?" And I was like "PRIESTCRAFT SAFADO" and then he told us that our friend passed the interview hahaha.

Guilherme!

So on saturday we had to get ready for Guilhermes baptism. So we get to the font to fill it up... and its already full. Interesting, now we have less work to do, right?

No. No we did not.

So the font is full of garbage and its super dirty because whoever filled it didn't clean it. I'm like "we are not baptizing Guilherme in a pit of bugs" so we go to empty the font. And... the font doesn't empty. Also, we found a dead lizard at the bottom of the font. And the water was cold. So that's a definite no on baptizing him in the font. But now the font won't empty so that we can refill it. So we cancel english class and grab buckets and start emptying the font by hand. Eventually the water starts going down by itself so we were like "great let's leave it here".

So we come back a few hours later during the ward barbeque and the font has now stopped emptying itself again. So we gather the whole bishopric and they go to work and literally have to break into their stuff in order to find the reason why it's not emptying and it turns out its just a button we had to push. And it turns out there's like, 4 different buttons and knobs to control the baptismal font. So the font is emptied, Elder Mendo cleans it out, and we fill it up again.

Except spoiler: the device to heat the water also doesn't work. 

So we finish up the ward churrasco and me and the ward secretary who also is the DM for our games on p day spend like an hour talking about this cosmic horror series that he's reading right now waiting for the baptism to start. So we get to the fated hour and step into the water and it's freezing cold. But we toughed it out for the covenant and our friend Guilherme got baptized! 

Rogerio!

The next morning the baptismal font was still having problems for the baptism of Rogério so we did it with cold water again haha. Sacrament meeting was right before the baptism and it was so stressful cuz we had to organize the baptism, greet everyone who came, fill out the two different baptismal forms, and coordinate with the secretaries to make sure everything works out with their member records. But it the end Rogério's baptism worked out fine. I did have to baptize him 3 times though cuz the first time he didn't move cuz he thought I wouldn't be able to life him, the second time I explained it poorly so he started kneeling down instead of falling back, and the third time I went rogue and dunked him. It was sick. 

For lunch we went to the former bishop's house and lunched with his mother and aunt who aren't members. The bishops wife said they didn't like the church. So I spent the whole lunch planning our post-lunch message to absolutely roast them into oblivion with D&C and the New Testament by talking about the sealing power, but then they left before we gave a message so I just gave up going rogue and passed the message to Elder Mendo. We also found this other guy who is the dad of an investigator and I started to introduce the Plan of Salvation to him and he goes "actually we reincarnate after we die and also tithing isn't real because it's only in the old testament and it's about farming not money to and the churches don't do real charity work and the catholics could end hunger if they wanted to and also Christ is going to reincarnate soon because Elon Musk is the antichrist and he marked everybody with the mark of the beast and the United States is going to be defeated by the dragon and the bear but they will rise from the ashes and destroy the world" and I was this close to absolutely going rogue on this man with the Bible about tithing and reincarnation (tithing is in Hebrews, resurrection is like, everywhere) but I was just like "ok sweet we'll see you and your son Saturday then?" and he was like "sure".

That night we ate a huge watermelon at Maria's house and helped Ana Luisa to prepare for her baptism this week. Then we had to sprint home cuz we were super late. 

super p day 2

And back to today. We tried to get another awesome p day organized but our district was being cringe and nobody wanted to spend money on transit, so we're sitting around the chapel. Low-key cringe but here's to hoping that next week we can do something epic to send off the transfer. 

So yeah! Things are going great, and I hope you all have a wonderful week!

God is Good,

Elder Ebbert