This week was... perfectly normal.Nothing highly unusual or out of the ordinary happened.
And before you ask, this isn't an elaborate setup for a bit where I reveal that actually something quirky and weird happened this week. That's not what's happening. Absolutely not.
It's just that everything is going swimmingly. I'm still constantly working- I expect it'll be a year or two before that changes- but the work is very good. The problem is that I've actually started to really 'adjust to missionary life' so all the craziness is just normal. Also, as much as I love being in the intense, reforging crucible of tribulation, I haven't had any colossal, soul shaping challenges to expound on this week.
The problem with everything going well is... what the heck am I going to write about in my email?
At this point, a needlessly long email from me is frankly an obligation. I can't let down my loyal fans and followers, and besides- how will I maintain my ego if I don't have people telling me how funny my email is every week? So that brings us to my present course of action: I didn't want to resort to this technique, but comfortable times call for desperate measures. Before I slip into my writer's trance and awake in three hours drenched in a cold sweat and with a masterpiece email woven from nothing in front of me (excellent practice for college admissions essays), I'd apologize for what you're about to read; it probably isn't very good.
And so it begins.
Amazon (but like not the river)
Certainly the best day of my week was sexta-feira. I don't know which day that is in english because my brain is mutating to accommodate for portuguese, but essentially we had an English Connect lunch for my companion who is learning english and I got to see Elders Staker and Mahaffey which was awesome. We blood pacted to maximise the power of the Gift of Tongues and become trilingual, which I'm looking forward to (spoiler alert: I stole a hardcover French Book of Mormon from the mission office). I also got a member to smuggle cards into the chapel which I purchased in the bathroom, which is not suspicious at all. But what made the day truly special was that I got PACKAGES. I didn't realize how excited I was going to be to get a package from home, and really it was a package from amazon brazil purchased by my mom, but I loved it. For those of you on the edge of your seat in eager anticipation, fear not: the wait is over, and the reveal is now.
I received:
1: a shoe shiner thing
2: hand sanitizer
3: protein bars
The protein bars are scrumptious, and as soon as I get my hands on some creatine my burpee routine is about to get absolutely jacked. And, most exciting of all, I got the boxes that the packages came in. I don't know what I'm going to make with them yet, but rest assured that some brilliant crafting is going to be coming up.
Sweet and Condensed
Now that we actually have clean dishes in our house, I've tried my hand at making a couple things. My masterwork dishes thus far include:
-Banana and milk smoothie
-Eggs with sweet chili pineapple sauce (actually incredible you guys)
-Chocolate milk warmed up in the microwave
-THE MILKSHAKE
Some commentary: the smoothie is delicious and is also turning brown in our fridge, but my dad said it's ok because that's just what bananas do. Stop judging them.
So, I'm gonna keep drinking that. As aforestated the eggs are GOSTOSO literally that sauce stuff is so good. And not to flex on all you chocolate-milk-drinkers back in the States but choccy milk here is actually way better. I don't know why but the stuff I find at the supermarket is literally so rich and delicious. The only chocolate milk I've had that's better is that one place in Idaho that makes chocolate milk with potato peels- that's the absolute elite chocolate milk in the world I think.
And finally, the milkshake.
I've been having cravings for a good milkshake, but we never went anywhere that had them available and/or they were super expensive. Side note- McDonald's is crazy expensive here I don't know why. So, with my options exhausted, I took some words from everybody's favorite population control expert- "Fine. I'll do it myself."
Thus, my labors have borne fruit to a masterpiece. The Sweetened Condensed Milkshake. For your convenience, the following recipe is provided.
Elder Ebbert's Best Milkshake in Brazil
Ingredients:
-1/2 carton of Creme Flavor ice cream from a brazilian supermarket
-An amount of sweetened condensed milk roughly equal to the volume of a mini coke zero bottle do not ask why I know that
-A dash of regular milk. Whole milk, if you're not a heretic.
Instructions:
-Blend
-Drink for breakfast
Voila and bon appetit meus amigos. Enjoy.
Also, not that I would ever talk about or imply anything related to romantic relationships as a missionary, but ladies: get you a man who knows how to make a good milkshake. You deserve it.
I promise I'm not being lazy it's just a really good scripture
For this week's Spiritual Thought Segment© I'm actually just going to copy and paste a whole section of scripture in here because I think it's absolutely gorgeous and I don't really have anything to add. It's D&C 128:22-25.
22 Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free.
23 Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!
24 Behold, the great day of the Lord is at hand; and who can abide the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appeareth? For he is like a refiner’s fire, and like fuller’s soap; and he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver... Let us, therefore, as a church and a people, and as Latter-day Saints, offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness; and let us present in his holy temple, when it is finished, a book containing the records of our dead, which shall be worthy of all acceptation.
25 Brethren, I have many things to say to you on the subject; but shall now close for the present, and continue the subject another time. I am, as ever, your humble servant and never deviating friend,
Joseph Smith.
Beautiful. Love D&C.
Well, I can feel the trance slipping, so until our next meeting under the moonlight skies of this transient world, I bid you adieu. Hopefully something terrible happens so that I can write a more interesting email next week!
God is Good,
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