オレンジミッション

Whattup トリュフを食べる人, 

I set my watch to Kolob time now, so I don't remember the days of any of the events I'm about to describe. But uhh here's some stuff that went down:

D-day

I went on a division with our district leader and the morning of that division our neighbors cat came down and was meowing for attention. So I was like "awesome" and I started petting him. And he absolutely mauled my hand and left a huge gash in it.

Just for the record I pet literally like all the cats on the street and they are super nice. It's only house cats who are cadelas.

So the division was lit, we walked around for about 8 hours while everything fell through then at the end of the night we found this guy called Alex Cordeiro de Jesus. He was totally wasted and he ran out of the bar and was like "yoooo its the mormons, how do I get one of those books?" and so we handed him a book of mormon. He made us autograph it and then kissed it before he put it in his backpack. He described how he had run into the sisters in another mission who said they were gonna give him a book, but they stopped talking to him when he hit on them in whatsapp. kinda valid. He also offered to bring us home for drinks, which we respectfully declined.

After that division me and my comp got sick one after the other which kind of killed a whole week. Then transfers happened and absolutely nothing happened.

Rich day

There's these big tower apartments in our area and a couple weeks ago we had lunch and dinner in those towers so we basically just spent the whole day just hanging out with rich people. It was pretty awesome. That next day I had a division with our new Zone Leader, Elder Sewell. He's super cool and we spent the whole division being trunky for nature 

I miss hiking. And green stuff.

Last week for p-day we went back to my very first area, Embu das Artes. We coincidentally met up with the elders from that district and we were like "awesome let's eat barbecue together !!" but then the sister leaders got mad at us cuz you're not really supposed to have big groups of missionaries in public. the sisters from our district just kinda ran away and then snuck back to eat barbecue too kkkkk

We also bought more knives. I bought two brass knuckles with the kanji 死 laser engraved on it. It was kind of awesome.

Orange day

we had our zone conference a couple weeks ago and it was actually lit. President wrote a parable and had some of the missionaries perform it about oranges and "verdadeira intenção" in missionary work, it was actually pretty cool. Then they gave oranges to everyone at the end of the conference Also Sister Rollins let me steal all the leftover oranges >:)

On the way home I was talking to the sisters on the bus and they told me about a guy they met who had two dogs, the dogs fought all the time so he named them "Obama" and "Bin Laden". That was probably the greatest thing I heard all transfer.

Day of reckoning

We marked a lesson with this one media reference and then it disappeared from the area book so we forgot about it. Then like 4 hours after the lesson should have happened she texted us and started doing the text equivalent of screaming at my companion, she literally told him he was a fake disciple of Jesus Christ and that our whole church was evil because we forgot about the lesson. At first my comp was really sorry then she started being venomous so he just blocked her lol.

The next day we had to help this guy who was moving into our ward, and it was pretty interesting because

1: we had to move all his stuff up 3 flights of stairs with very non-fridge-accommodating turns at each one

2: halfway through this random drunk guy on the road sees us moving stuff and is like "ok I'm in charge now" and just starts helping us and ordering everybody around. And it lo-key worked really well? He was weirdly efficient. And then as soon as it was down he was like "farewell folks" and then vanished into the night.

3: also halfway through there was this huge commotion around a car up the road so we went over to see what was going on. There's this girl, probably like 22 years old in the passenger side and her mom is in the driver's seat. Out of nowhere the girl sees us and yells (in fluent english) "I WENT TO L.A. ONCE!" so we start talking with her in english and she says "yeah my mom is wasted and she's gonna drive me home because I don't know how to drive. I'm probably gonna die." Then she looks at my comp and goes "can I get your instagram?"

Elder Bawden said no lol, lo-key she was bad too so he kinda dropped the ball on that one

Day of red sun

Anyways, a couple days ago I almost died in the shower. I was just showering peacefully when all of a sudden the room lights up red, with my incredibly tuned reflexes I managed to step 1 step forward in time before the wires to the showerhead exploded. Oh yeah, for those of you who aren't brazilian, showerheads here are electric because they don't have heated water, so the shower is full of electric wires and if you do something wrong you can burn out the head really easily. So the wire lit on fire and filled the room with smoke, I escaped into our house covered with only a towel and Elder Bawden is like "oh no the shower exploded? that sucks" and went back to what he was doing. So we spent a couple of days taking cold showers until we got it fixed.

Also also the very next day after the shower exploded, a huge colony of maggots was somehow born outside of our house and I had to spend like an hour in the morning cleaning them out of our house. That was fun.

Day of festa

We had our festa junina last friday. That's a catholic holiday which apparently commemorates the death of John the Baptist? But it's brazil so everybody just uses catholic holidays as an excuse to party.

We spent most of the day helping to set up the festa, which involved taking bishop's car to another zone in order to cut down some bamboo that was on the side of the road and bring it back to make these big arch bamboo things. I also stole a bamboo pole to use for stretches. On the way to the festa, this guy on a motorcycle did an extremely loud green goblin cackle and zoomed past everybody like 30 mph over the speed limit, it was awesome. At the party we spent basically the whole time talking to the stake president's son who served his mission in British columbia and absolutely hates liberals, it was pretty funny. His english was great too.

Email day

Andddd that about brings us up to date. Nobody wants to come to church with us except for all the people we don't invite, so things are interesting here in Jardim Roberto. Time still flies, and the work continues.

Love you all and hope you have an awesome week! See you all in another බොහෝ විට 2 ක් පමණි, නමුත් මම කම්මැලියි weeks!

God is Good,

Elder Ebbert