Area Expansion: Infinite Jungle

Whattup cursed capybaras, 

I have been exiled into the Jungle. I haven't had human contact in 2 weeks. To send this email, I climbed an açai tree and managed to get signal. My companion was slaughtered by monkeys 3 hours ago. Please send backup to my coordinates: 47,1912570, -52,8372796

So yeah. I'm in Parelheiros now, which is one of the farthest areas in our mission. And it's 99.99% jungle : we basically just work in this tiny city called Vargem Grande. So here's some of the goofy jungle shenanigans that's goin down:

Captains log
Well, for reasons known only to star command back at Kolob, I have been made a district leader. Which, for those of you unfamiliar with missionary terminology, means I'm just like a normal missionary except my life is harder and I'm responsible for everything that goes wrong in my companionship and 3 others. 

Just kidding. I'm thrilled to participate in the beurocratic report processes of our mission and have to solve other people's problems.

But yeah, being a district leader is fun. I've been goobering around in divisions with these other guys and leading some nice psychology-based district council trainings to turn these lads into highly effective habit based missionaries. 

Bucho e Makatu
We had a lunch out with some members and ate some stuff called Bucho and Makatu. Idk if I spelled either of those correctly but we gonna roll with it. So Bucho is cow intestines and Makatu is this part of the cows leg that's like, crazy heavy. So I ate that stuff and absolutely paid the price afterwards. 

Rock members
We have some killer members out here in Vargem Grande, my favorite guy is named Gil. Gil has an epic conversion story, literally made me cry, and he's gente fina de mais. He comes with us to lessons all the time, makes us super super dark hot chocolate at his house, and we talk about how awesome metal is with him. Also he lo key be temptin me cuz he has a PS5 and he was like "hey elders what if yall came over on P day for churrasco and gaming... just kidding lol... unless?" and we were like "oh haha Gil funny joke..." but yeah we chillin, only five months left we can survive that long

WhatsApp miracle
We got banned from WhatsApp because the media references who asked us to send them messages got mad and reported us when we... sent them messages. And this was on a Saturday so we reeaally needed to send some messages and confirm everybody for church. So we were leaving the apartment and I was like "Elder Choate make sure you pray to get our WhatsApp back." and so he prayed and literally the moment we said amen, I got a notification on our phone that our WhatsApp was unblocked. So that's was a cool little miracle for us. 

A member almost gave us weed
So we found this awesome member here, her name is Erica. She's, by her own description, a hippie- her house is full of graffiti, she grows a bunch of plants out back (definitely not including marujana) and her conversion story involves some crazy nature vision stuff. But she's actually super chill, even if she does occasionally go off on rants about divine geometry and the nature spirits. I mean, I guess that's like kind of in the pearl of great price so we roll with it.

But anyways I was having some problems with my throat so we asked her for help and she was like "come with me" and then we went out to the garden. We left the garden with a giant bag stuffed full of herbs. I'm pretty sure a couple of them are safe. I know at least one of them is supposedly stuffed with protein?? So I'm gonna monch that bad boy. Also she showed us the weed plant and was like "it's not weed and it's legal" and I was like "?" but I think we're chilling.

Also last funny thing, here in Brazil they have a fun thing in their culture where they just have no fear about breastfeeding in public, and Erica's hippie level does nothing to reduce that. So every time we've come over, without fail, she's just whipped out to breastfeed her 3 year old son. Little bit of a culture shock but that's Brazil ig

Well that's all folks
That's a little snippet of my jungle adventures out here! No time for an outro so love you all and boa noite!

God is Good, 
Elder Ebbert 






































































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